Better Off
by August08
Summary: One-shot. I had done this to Raph. I had been the cause of his loathing...of his suffering. I wanted to live. I wanted to live and tell Raph that I was sorry for making him suffer.


**A/N**: I have finally found a song that fits Leo. It took me a while, but I found it. This was inspired by both _Pieces _by Sum 41 and the 2007 TMNT movie. This is my first attempt at writing a fic in the 2007 TMNT universe. I also have my own idea of why Splinter sent Leo to Central America for training. It's kind of ironic how this story came together. Enjoy.

Normal font Leo's POV. Italics flashback and in third person POV.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the song or any characters relating to the Turtles

* * *

How had it come to this? When did everything go so horribly wrong? When did my brother's eyes hold such a loathing hatred towards me? I knew I had made my red masked brother snap. Why did I have to open my big mouth and say that I was the better one? Through the rain, I gazed into Raphael's blazing amber eyes, our words still echoing in my mind.

_"Whoever said I _wanted_ to be led?" _the sai wielder had yelled. _"I'm better off callin' my own shots now, so get used to it!"_

_"You aren't ready!" _I had yelled back._ "You're impatient, and hot tempered, and more importantly..."_

I mentally shook myself. I felt sick. I knew where this was going, and I didn't like it. Raph's sais shone as lightning streaked across the sky. Slowly, I began shaking my head. I didn't want to do it, I would never forgive myself.

"Don't do this, Raph," I whispered.

Raph's eyes narrowed. "I'm done takin' orders," he hissed.

Lightning flashed again, followed by a clap of thunder. Sighing in defeat, I drew my swords. There was another clap of thunder and Raph charged. Instinctively, I also charged. I heard the tip of one of my katanas scrape across the concrete before there was a clash of metal on metal. How had I ended up fighting my own brother? Raph's sais lit up with another blinding flash of lightning and for a moment, everything seemed to disappear in a white light.

* * *

_Leonardo stared into the soft flame of the flickering candle. He knelt in front of his father, locked away from his brothers who no doubt were listening just outside Splinter's bedroom door. Leonardo felt extremely heavy, like a massive weight was crushing down on his shoulders. The last mission had been a complete and total failure, and it had almost cost Leonardo the lives of his brothers._

_"Sensei," the blue masked turtle whispered._

_"Shh," Splinter breathed calmly. He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "Tell me what happened, my son," he instructed softly._

_Leonardo looked down at his hands that were clenched tightly on his knees. "I failed," he confessed. "I made an error in judgement and..." He shuddered, remembering the sensation of having one of his brothers go limp in his arms. "Because of me Donny was almost killed. I was too distracted with Karai that I lost sight of everything else. All I could think about what making Karai see what Shredder was really like." He closed his eyes and hung his head. "I left my brothers to fight Shredder by themselves and it nearly cost us." Leonardo squeezed his eyes shut, trying to keep from breaking down. "I failed as both a leader and a brother."_

_Splinter nodded. He remembered that night vividly. His sons had gone off to face the Shredder for the final time. They had returned victorious, but at a price. Raphael and Leonardo had stumbled in carrying Donatello between them. The genius turtle was bleeding severely from a large gash that had been torn in his left side and was barely conscious. Michelangelo, Raphael and Leonardo were also badly wounded, but the concern of their brother's health was more important than their own._

_"I don't deserve to be leader," Leonardo continued. "A leader listens to the ideas of others. I heard Raph yelling at me to forget Karai and to help him, Don and Mike, but I was too obsessed with Karai." He opened his eyes and looked at the picture that hung behind Splinter. He saw a flash of red disappear around the corner. "You need a leader who actually leads," Leonardo whispered._

_"You were appointed leader for a reason, not just because you are the eldest," Splinter said. "Your brothers look up to you, Leonardo. They listen to you and you must listen to them." He sighed sadly. "However, it seems that perhaps you are in need of a sabbatical."_

_Leonardo looked up at his father, his chocolate brown eyes widening. "Sensei?"_

_"You have become too dependant on me, my son. As I have said many times, I will not always be here to guide you. You must learn how to guide yourself through the difficult times."_

_Panic began to build in Leonardo's chest. He began to shake his head. He had been sent away once before, he didn't want to be sent away again._

_"Master, is there another way?" he asked._

_Splinter got to his feet and walked over to his kneeling son and placed both hands on his shoulders. "I know this is difficult for you, my son. But this training period will be beneficial. I am sure that you will discover some things about yourself that you did not know before."_

_Leonardo lowered his head again. "Yes, sensei."_

_Splinter patted his shoulders and stepped back. "Now, go and pack. Your plane leaves in an hour."_

* * *

I came back to reality when I heard another clash of metal on metal. I hadn't realized I had been fighting instinctively. I threw my swords up, blocking a downward thrust of Raph's sais. With a cry, I pushed him back. We circled each other, panting for breath and staring each other down. The loathing fire had only increased in Raph's eyes. Words would no longer get through to him. If I wanted Raph to hear what I had to say, I was going to have to _make_ him listen. And the only way to do that was to disarm him and get him on the ground.

Raph charged again. As he drew nearer, I tightened my grip on my katanas and braced myself for the blow. I lifted my swords as Raph brought his sais down with full force. With a slight wince, I push my brother back. He stumbled back, giving me enough room to charge at him. I swung a sword at his head, which he blocked with a sai. I kicked him in the chest, sending him against the small ledge of the roof.

I pulled back and made another jab. Raph moved his head just as the tip of my sword slid across his left shoulder. That move seemed to make him even more angry. After a couple more attacks and blocks, our weapons locked, my katanas trapped in the inside and middle prongs of his sais. We circled so that I was now back on to the ledge. Raph began to push all of his strength into his weapons. I quickly looked down at our weapons, then back up at Raph. It was then that I heard an unnatural *snap*. I stumbled back and looked down at my now broken swords. With a horrible sinking feeling, I looked up. Raph jumped and kicked me twice in the chest, sending me to the ground. A flash of steel shot past in my peripheral vision on my left side. My head snapped to the left, my face coming within inches of Raph's sai.

I looked up at my brother. He was breathing heavily and I was afraid that he was going to bring his sai across my throat. But then, the fire seemed to fade from his eyes. His eyes widened when he realized what he had just done. He got up, allowing me to get to my feet. I put an arm around my stomach, the broken katanas still in my hands. I felt sick again. I had done this to Raph. I had been the cause of his loathing...of his suffering.

I opened my mouth to say something, but Raph turned and ran. My heart shattered. I wanted to scream his name, to tell him to come back. But, I knew that I could scream myself hoarse and he would never return. Was this how Raph felt when I left?

_I had to leave, _I told myself. _It was for the good of the team. I was training to be a better leader._

However, as I watched my brother run further and further away, I wondered if leaving really was for the better.

_I tried to be perfect, but nothing was worth it_  
_I don't believe it makes me real._  
_I thought it'd be easy, but no one believes me_  
_I meant all the things I said._

_If you believe it's in my soul,_  
_I'd say all the words that I know,_  
_Just to see if it would show,_  
_That I'm trying to let you know,_  
_That I'm better off on my own._

My thoughts were broken when I felt a sharp stab in my arm. I looked down at my arm and saw a dart protruding from my forearm. A strange green substance injected itself into my skin and I instantly began feeling light-headed. With blurring vision, I looked around. Foot ninjas quickly surrounded me. They were accompanied by four living stone statues.

_Raph,_ I mentally called to my brother. _Raph, help me._

Shaking my head, I dashed to the left, only to have one of the statues send me flying to the ground.

_This place is so empty, my thoughts are so tempting_  
_I don't know how it got so bad._  
_Sometimes it's so crazy that nothing can save me,_  
_But, it's the only thing that I have._

_If you believe it's in my soul,_  
_I'd say the words that I know._  
_Just to see if it would show,_  
_That I'm trying to let you know,_  
_That I'm better off on my own._

Voices buzzed in the distance. I knew they were talking about me, but I didn't know what they wanted with me. My heavy eyes drifted up. Two Foot ninjas stood over me, aiming some strange gun at me. I heard a click and screamed in agony as I was shot multiple times with the same kind of darts as before. I felt my body go limp. Then, there was the odd sense of weightlessness as one of the generals picked me up and flung me over his shoulder. I fought to stay conscious, losing with every step the general made. It was then that I heard a familiar voice calling my name.

"Leo!"

_I tried to be perfect, it just wasn't worth it._  
_Nothing could ever be so wrong._  
_It's hard to believe me, it never gets easy,_  
_I guess I knew that all along._

"Leo!"

_Raph,_ I thought as my mind began to go blank. _I'm...sorry._

* * *

_"Leo!"_

_Leonardo stopped walking and turned around. His eyes widened when he saw Raphael run up._

_"Raph? What are you doing here?"_

_"Why are...you...leaving?" Raphael panted. "We need you."_

_Leonardo looked away. "Raph, Donny almost died because I lost focus on the mission."_

_"That's Karai's fault," Raphael said, finally catching his breath. He stood up straighter. "Why is Splinter sending you off for somethin' Karai caused?"_

_The blue masked turtle looked up at his brother. "Raph, please understand that I have to do this. It's better for you guys if I go away for training."_

_"But...but...another continent?" Raphael asked. "Why so far away?"_

_"I have to learn how to think things through for myself," Leonardo explained. "I'll come back a better leader and our family will be whole again."_

_It was Raphael's turn to look away. His eyes hardened and his body stiffened. "Yeah," he whispered. "Right."._

_"I'll write, I promise," Leonardo said. "Please, try to understand, Raph. Everyone is better off if I go away for training."_

_"Better off, huh?" Raphael asked in distracted tone. "I guess." He looked up at Leonardo and smiled. "I'm keepin' ya from your flight," he said, backing up. "Have a good trip, bro."_

_Leonardo felt his heart sink as he watched Raphael turn and walk away. He opened his mouth to call to him, but he had to get going. Closing his mouth, Leonardo turned and ran off towards the airport. He hadn't noticed that Raphael had stopped walking. The red masked turtle squeezed his eyes tight and ran back towards his brother._

_"Leo!" he called. "Leo!"_

_Leonardo kept running, dispite hearing his brother's calls. He closed his eyes. _I'm sorry, Raph,_ he silently apologized._ I'm sorry.

* * *

I didn't know when I had slipped back into consciousness, but I heard several noises coming from all around me. Roars, shrieks, banging and clawing. I didn't know where I was and I couldn't remember how I got here. The only thing I remembered was seeing the horrified look on Raph's face. I wanted to live. I wanted to live and tell Raph that I was sorry for making him suffer. I couldn't die, not yet, not without seeing my family.

There was another commotion and alarms rose over the noise that already surrounded me. I heard the unmistakeable voices of my family and friends.

"Leo? Is that you?" I heard Mikey ask, clearly at the wrong cage. There was a roar and Mikey yelped and jumped back. "Sorry, wrong cage."

There was a thud and I felt the familiar presense of Raphael in front of me.

"Leo," he breathed and I could hear the desperation in his voice. "I got 'im!" he called.

"Out of the way, please," Donny instructed.

_No, Raph, don't go._

Raph moved away and there was a *bang*. I heard him step into the cage.

"Hey, buddy," he said. He swung one of my arms around his shoulders and pulled me to my feet. "Come on, man, up we go."

He helped me out of the cage and kept me steady on my feet. I coughed and shook my head, clearing it of the fog that still clouded my senses. When my vision focused, I looked up. Raph returned my gaze with one of remorse.

_If you believe it's in my soul_  
_I'd say all the words that I know._

Without saying anything, Raph turned towards Casey, who took out two objects from his golf bag. Raph took them and held them up. I blinked down at the swords in my brother's hand.

_Just to see if it would show,  
That I'm trying to let you know_

"You're gonna need these if you're gonna lead us outta here," Raph said.

I took the swords and met Raph's gaze. I opened my mouth and the words I had wanted to say all along finally came out. "I'm gonna need you, too."

_That I'm better off on my own._

* * *

Let me know what you think. Reviews are welcome, flames are not.


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